when the worst is better...

"disappointment reminds human that they are never God to their own lives. they are pure servants."

emptiness is a real friend. it might not so interesting but it is real. like real real. it is painful but it is sweet. without emptiness, i cannot understand how weak i am. emptiness made me realize that nothing in the world is under my control. its His will that matters.

today, at the highway, when cars passed my car, i rolled down the window intending to scream as loud as possible. but when the window was fully rolled down, suddenly i found nothing to throw out from myself. nothing. i felt empty. i could not even find my own voice. it was real dark inside me, and too empty. so i just sat there, head outside the window, threw my gaze on the passing cars. and then was when the sadness came.

and now i feel sad. and tired of my life. yes, i did say that dying is never better but somehow, sometimes i just prefer the less okay things. the worse one. sometimes the worst. now i wonder, what would happen when the worst thing is what i really wanted? and what if the worst choices are the better ones? just what if? assuming that all the worst are the good? but then, 'assumption is the mother of all fucked ups' - [quoted from the recently watched movie, SANCTUM].

ahh..see. its silly girl talking again.