no matter how crazy u miss your past, it will never comes back. back then, u didn't realize how good it was living in that life. u forgot to be grateful. to thank Allah and to appreciate everyone in that life for contributing to the goodness. now, when u look back, u noticed that life back there was damn good, and u were unlucky to be kicked out from that life. sure this realization is accompanied by rivers of tears. but its good to realize it now.
i know i can't keep telling my self, everything will be okay. everyone has their own journey and maybe, they better stay out of ur way. i know this sentence will stop comforting me the longer it is used. well, it kinda lost its healing power now.
i went back to my past just now. watching ALL my friends from the past succeeded. they all succeeded. everyone from my past. i thought i would cry and regret the decision i made back then. i didn't do both. its not that i'm stronger than i ever thought that i could be but its not that. i don't know what it was but its not that. maybe because i am the expert in understanding 'whatever u do can never change what happened'.
i feel like a loser. but for now, i'll put that aside first. i wanna finish what i've started and finish it beautifully. then i will go for good. i will go for a payback. i've missed a lot and i lost. but i will go and take all the things i deserved. alone. cos the strongest is the one who succeeds alone. syyyh~its my opinion and this is my blog.
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