regret.

knowing someone should never be a regret for us. even if we know someone who broke our heart in the most severe way. feeling regret will makes nothing better. its not that you will be transported back to the past before you guys met if you feel regret for knowing him / her. it will never be. so, save yourself all the complaining and learn the lesson and move on. (its not as easy as saying it, obviously) i know. after what had happened in this past few months, i should know better how hard it is to forgive and forget. its easier to regret and keep revenge, seriously. but somehow, thats a bit childish and pathetic, don't you think so?

first, why do we keep revenge? cos we think we don't deserve to be treated that way and what other people do, they should get it back? yup. I've thought of that too. for me, they don't have the right to treat me that way. i felt used, victimized, and fooled. he / she does not have the right to make me felt that way. i cried more tears on him / her than for my grandma's death. yes, i held grudge (still do, a lil). i regret that i know him / her. i cursed him / her. i wished he / she dies (i practically prayed for it).

days passed, the grudge felt heavier. it was almost unbearable. i wanted him / her to die as worst as possible. the more i wish, i can feel the grudge heavier and heavier. and i can see my own heart blackening. the more hatred i feel, the more pathetic i look. and i asked myself, why am i giving him / her the chance to make my world sucks more than ever? he / she was gone, but how could he / she makes me hold the heavy grudge if i don't allow it? i felt very stupid. he / she will definitely receives his / her punishment. he / she will get what or who he / she deserves. either from me or from someone else. Allah is just. Allah is the perfect judge. so why do i bother taking Allah's job? He will decides who will makes them pay the price, so why do i even bother? he / she has purchased the ticket to 'Pay Back Time' so why bother? i should move on, do my living and care nothing about he / she. he / she just don't DESERVES me. i can never forgive him / her if i want. that will makes him / her suffer just enough. thats all i need to do. i will let him / her go and will never forgive. i will pray for their misery if i feel like hating them again. prayers are Muslim's main weapon, right? so why don't just use it and save some times for living?

so i decided to stop give a damn on him / her and start living my own life. of course i will never forgive. i am not that kind-hearted, okay? in my chest, its not a bleeding heart. its a diamond. only diamond can cut it. so, i don't care what happen to him / her, i will NEVER forgive him / her and i will never care if he / she dies or lives. i don't feel regret but relieved. i don't hate him / her. he / she does not worth even my hatred. but i just wish that i wont see him / her again. :)

i think, regret is never a solution. i never regret any of my decisions or wrong things. they are giving me access to better life and better things, so, why should i regret?